


Circle Of Love

by Elevane_Theirin



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Circle of Magi, F/M, Friendship, Mages and Templars, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elevane_Theirin/pseuds/Elevane_Theirin
Summary: It took years for Erina Amell to realize she was in love with Cullen, then her life changed dramatically. Can the two of them manage to save Fereldan and each other?





	Circle Of Love

My name is Erina Amell, and I was a mage in the Fereldan Circle of Magi, Kinloch Hold. I don’t remember much of my early childhood. I know that I was born to parents who had lived in the Circle themselves. I can only assume they were both mages but that’s because the Chantry denies there are relationships between the Mages and the Templars who are tasked with protecting Thedas from us. As a matter of fact, I don’t know anything about them at all other than the Chantry raised me. My whole life has been spent within these walls. I guess the Chantry decided early on I was at risk of being a mage. I am sure I didn’t live in Kinloch Hold as an infant but Irving may as well be my father for all the time I’ve spent with him over the years. 

 

I hated the tower, I hated being watched all the time by the Templars. Often, I would dart out of the hallways to avoid their gaze that always seemed to be attempting to read into my soul. While none of them mistreated me in the classical sense of the word I never felt I was trusted, not even in the slightest. That was until a Templar recruit came to Kinloch to complete his training. 

I can clearly remember the moment I met Cullen. I was twelve years old and had spent the morning studying but I had been scheduled to report to the Chantry for my daily prayers before lunch. When I entered, I noticed Greagoir and the most curious sight I have seen in all my years in the Circle, a boy about my own age, that wasn’t what was so curious, what was interesting was he wasn’t a mage, he was in Templar clothing. I had never seen a Templar so young. If I were being honest, up until that moment I hadn’t even given boys a second thought. Those found within the circle at least so far weren’t of any interest to me aside from being friends. Anders was kind of course but he was always getting into trouble, and I preferred to NOT be noticed by our jailers, and Jowan was just, well, he was Jowan. We literally grew up together he was my brother and there was no way I was going to think of him any other way. I spent my prayer time glancing at the strawberry blonde boy wondering what his name was and where he’d come from.

I spent the better part of the week unable to concentrate. I wanted to know more about this curly haired boy. I listened to the rumors the other apprentices traded back and forth but all I had managed to glean from the inane chatter was his name, Cullen. When we did finally meet it was an accident. I was walking the halls on my way to the library with my nose in a book. I wasn’t really reading it, I was daydreaming of what it might be like to kiss him, even though I knew that wasn’t likely to ever happen, it had become a fantasy I indulged in more often than was prudent. Then it happened. Just as in my daydream I was standing up on my toes, looking into his warm honey eyes and leaning in to kiss him the book I was pretending to be studying slammed into my face, smashing my nose. My eyes teared and immediately I felt the warmth of blood dripping from my nose. The voice I heard was kind and gentle.

“Maker! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to run into you!”

My eyes cleared enough to look up into the same eyes I had just been daydreaming about. Cullen was nearly in tears and scrambling to locate a handkerchief in hidden pockets within his recruit robes. I stood stunned at the sight of the handsome boy in front of me, my nose all but forgotten, that is until he found the handkerchief. When he handed it to me I had been struck dumb and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he was giving it to me. 

“Here, let me do that for you, please, it’s the least I can do.” Sadly smiling at me as he gently held it to my nose and tilted my head back with his other hand. 

He led me to the infirmary where I was left in the care of the absent minded elderly healing mage. When he left the room it felt as though part of me had gone with him. It was an odd feeling this attachment to this boy I hardly knew. It wasn’t something I had ever experienced, nor was it anything anyone had ever spoken of. I wondered if there were something wrong with me. I mean how could I possibly feel such a connection to someone I didn’t know not to mention the completely forbidden infatuation with a TEMPLAR. Not just forbidden by the Chantry, or the Circle but even within myself. I had never felt any connection with a Templar, not even a friendly one. I spent my life around them but never looked them in the eyes. No one ever told me not to, it was something I just felt more comfortable avoiding. There were plenty of my fellow mages who were friends with some of the Templars, I just never felt comfortable around any of them. 

When I left the infirmary, Cullen was standing just to the right of the door. He was leaning on the wall, waiting for something. My heart leapt, I hoped it was me he was waiting for. He straightened up and smiled as he turned to face me. Unfortunately, Greagoir came around the corner before he could speak and ushered him off to some classes. I tried to get a moment when I could speak to Cullen again but he and I were both busy with studies. All I could manage was to steal glances at him in the halls and the Chantry when he was in the company of his Templar trainer. During services I could watch him during prayer without the fear of getting caught. On more than one occasion I caught him returning the glance, at times when I was feeling brave I wouldn’t look away. Instead I would smile and nod at him. 

You would think that over time my feelings for Cullen would dissipate but you would be wrong. The longer Cullen was at Kinloch and the more I got to know him over the years the more I fell for him. Anders, Jowan and I became the best of friends over these years. Often if you saw one of us the others weren’t far behind, well, except for when Anders would run away. Every time Anders ran away it broke my heart, not because he was gone, but because he always seemed to get caught. Jowan and I devised plans and found the hidden passages within the Circle to visit Anders when he was locked up. Every time he’d promise not to leave again, saying it wasn’t worth it getting caught but every few months, the longest he ever waited was a year, Anders would be gone again. Irving would be livid, not to mention Greagoir, if they had known that Jowan and I helped plan some of his escapes. They closed off the unused ferry access under Kinloch Hold after we’d planned his run through that route. We’d spent two months, the whole time he was locked in his own quarters at near the top of the Tower, across the hall from Irving’s room slipping food and clothing into packs down below in the waterway. There was Irving less than 10 feet away and no idea the 3 of us sat together in a room Anders supposedly couldn’t leave from mapping out routes and organizing his next big escape. Unknowingly Cullen helped in this particular escape plan of ours, and it was another way I knew I loved him. 

I had slipped several pieces of food from the kitchen’s one night to put with the rest of Anders’ provisions. I was coming out the the kitchens long past lights out when I bumped into one of the Templars in the hallway, as I began stumbling over myself trying to explain not only what I was doing out of bed but why I had an armload of food Cullen appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. 

“I see you’ve found the food for Irving’s surprise party Erina” Cullen’s smile beamed and lit the hallway. 

“Oh, yes, I did, thank you Ser Cullen. I hope it’s enough, I mean all the Senior Enchanters will be there.” I had managed to reply.

The other Templar peered at me through the slits in his helmet, I could feel his eyes on me. He turned away and nodded to Cullen as he continued on his way as if I had been a bug that had flown away.

Cullen winked and smiled at me as he said, “Right, I’ll leave you to your party planning then.”

He was often in places I least expected but it didn’t seem like hovering and spying. To me it seemed more like watching over me. It was a feeling I had never gotten from the Templars when they were around. Honestly, it wasn’t a feeling I got from anyone. Jowan and Anders were friends, best mates even but they never gave me the feeling of being protected like when I ran into Cullen. Which those two made happen as often as they could. I giggled then and I laugh now at the three of us roaming the halls of Kinloch Hold, the boys scouting ahead to see if I could just “happen” to bump into Cullen. They were as much my spies as Jowan and I were Anders’ travel agents. At times Anders was even known to purposely commit some minor act that caused Cullen to give chase, just so he could run into the Apprentice Quarters and hide under my bed, leaving him to run in only to find me alone, or the time he hid under my desk in the library and Cullen had to ask me if I had seen him. Jowan was always far less subtle, once he pulled me through the hallways to the Chantry and shoved me through the door, laughing like a maniac as I stopped shouting at him when I realized Cullen was inside, alone. My face turned beet red as he looked up from where he was reciting the Chant of Transfigurations to smile broadly at me before I could make a dash for the door Jowan had just closed behind me. 

I did my best to look out for Cullen as well as he looked out for me. They were minor things, not like saving me from getting caught in the Anders’ great escape. I was quietly walking the grounds one evening at the age of 16, when I overheard some loud whispering from the behind one of the bushes. I stopped to listen, I didn’t want to stumble upon someone’s well planned tryst, I mean it was hard enough for two people to get a moment alone in this miserable place, I wasn’t about to ruin it. When I recognized one of the voices, it was that snotty little Templar, Carroll. He was always trying to get something from someone. Always sneaking about and blackmailing the mages. I knew he was up to something. He wasn’t terribly bright but he knew how to get something for nothing that was easy to see just by chatting to him. When I heard the name Cullen I listened more closely. One of the fellows, whose voice I didn’t recognize needed them to repeat what they were going to do. This was perfect, since I missed the first part when I was only half listening in my attempt to not be eavesdropping. Carroll had decided that he wanted Cullen’s amulet, the one he wore around his neck that featured Andraste. I don’t know if it was because he really wanted it, or because he thought it would hurt Cullen. They planned on nicking it while Cullen was in the bath. I peered around the corner to get a look at these thieves and cowards. There was Carroll of course and two other Templars who I only recognized by face. After listening to their plan I had a little plan of my own.

I slipped up to the Templar Quarters via one of our found hidden passages in the Tower. I slipped into one of the cabinets opposite of Cullen’s area and waited. I don’t know how long I waited for the scene to play out, it seemed like hours, but that could be because I was hiding in a wardrobe. Cullen came in and began to prepare for his bath. I stood there mesmerized by the muscles on his back as he took off his shirt, his well defined back could only have been the result of working on his sword training. I nearly choked at the sight. Stifling my desire to moan at the sight I turned away before he took off anymore clothes. My face burning from embarrassment. I heard the door click shut when he left and I turned back around to wait for the conspirators. It didn’t take long, they must have been in the hall when he entered the bathing room. I grinned and held in a giggle, as Carroll reached for the amulet I gave him a little shock. He squealed like a pig. He tried again, and again I shocked him a little, just on his hand where he reached for the amulet. One of the other Templars laughed and called him a baby, he shoved Carroll out of the way and reached for the amulet. I gave this oaf a slightly larger shock and he squeaked. 

“It must be magic” Carroll so obviously stated.

“Uhh huh, we’re being punished for stealing an amulet of Andraste” the second one wimpered.

The third just said “I am not touching that, I am getting out of here!” 

I shocked the 3 of them on their arses as the ran away like scared children and I laughed so hard I fell out of the cabinet just as Cullen returned from his bath. I froze, my eyes met his, they were full of amusement and questions. 

“Do I even want to know why those 3 ran out of here like they’d seen a ghost?” Cullen inquired.

“If I told you, you’d have to report me, so, no, you don’t want to know.” I boldly winked at him and ran from the room stopping only once I’d reached the Apprentice Quarters.

Later when I told Jowan and Anders we laughed until our sides hurt. For the next year this was our favorite story to recount when Carroll was on duty to make rounds. He used to get angry when he’d walk by and find us huddle together laughing. I wonder how mad he’d be if he had known it was at his expense, or that he’d been had by a mage of all things. 

I may have hated being locked up in the Tower like a criminal but Jowan and Anders made my life a little easier and I hope I did the same for them. I doubt I would have lasted as long as I did if it hadn’t been for my best friends, and I would have given up Cullen if they hadn’t encouraged me to pursue him. The last few weeks of my life at Kinloch Hold was probably the most eventful in all the years I had been there. Anders was locked up again for escaping, this time Greagoir had made Irving put him in the dungeons, and this time I wasn’t about to let him stay down there. I would make sure Anders got out, and hopefully, this time leave for good. I loved Anders and because I loved him I wouldn’t let them do what would come next should he be caught. His next punishment would be Tranquility. Only Irving had kept it from happening before now. As much as Irving’s cowtowing to the Chantry grated on me, he was good at convincing Greagoir not to be too rash. Regardless of Irving or Greagoir I would not let them emotionally murder one of my dearest friends. To enact my plan I needed to complete my Harrowing, so that I would get a little more freedom within the Circle. Lucky for me, Irving had already scheduled it to take place on my 17th birthday.

The Harrowing itself was uneventful, by that I mean it wasn’t as scary as everyone made it out to be and I don’t know if it was just me or if it’s a normal thing, it didn’t seem that hard at all. I found the demons not the least bit tempting. They couldn’t tempt me with anything I wanted. Looking back I suppose it could just be that I was lucky they hadn’t tempted me with what I did want and at the time thought I couldn’t have or would never have. For me, the worst part was afterward, not during. That night after my Harrowing was the last night I was to sleep in the Apprentice Quarters. I would have my own alcove within the Mages Quarters starting the next day. It was a bit exciting knowing I would have at least a modicum of privacy for the first time in my whole life. 

I woke hours after dark, the sound of snoring and even breaths surrounding me. When I rolled over facing the doorway I noticed a familiar shape standing in the light from the hallway, as unmoving as a statue. 

“Cullen? Is that you?” I whispered as quietly as I could.

The figure didn’t move. He stood there as if he were alone in a world of his own. So, quietly I slipped out of bed, being careful not to jostle it too much and wake the apprentice sleeping on the top bunk. I tiptoed across the small space from my bed on the end of the row to the motionless Cullen. His eyes were glassy and he didn’t see me. I stared at him for a moment and whispered his name again. Still no movement. Without thinking I stood on my toes and leaned up towards him, like that long ago day dream I had as a child. My lips touched his softly, and a thrill shot through my body, from my lips to my toes. In a moment his arms were around my waist crushing me to him. My lips parted when he returned the kiss and one of his hands grasped the back of my head pressing my lips closer, our tongues entwining. Breathlessly it was over quicker than I had wanted to. 

His mouth still so close to mine I could feel his breath on my lips as he whispered, “Maker!”

Smiling, I backed up a step, “I…I…I shouldn’t have done that. I should…go back to bed.”

As I started to turn Cullen gently grasped my upper arm, “I love you Erina” then turned and ran out of the room. Leaving me standing there and if it weren’t for the kiss I still felt on my lips I would have thought it was a dream. 

When I returned to my bed, still in a daze, I heard Jowan whisper from several bunks away “About time!”

I smiled and fell back asleep dreaming of the kiss and the words Cullen had whispered before running out. My heart had felt as though it would burst it was so full. All these years, I wasn’t the only one who’d felt this way. It was a remarkable revelation, and a wonderful thought. I didn’t even entertain the thought that it was something that could never be. I just wanted to be happy, for once in my sad lonely life of confinement.

The rest of the world would have viewed Cullen standing in the dark staring at me creepy more likely than not, but they don’t understand just how different a world the Circle truly is. I didn’t even know that the world outside the tower was so different until I was no longer confined within the grounds and could actually leave my prison. It was normal for Templars to walk through the sleeping quarters after lights out. They were required to do so in order to “catch the mages” doing only Maker knows what they thought we were doing. Even Irving had no lock on his door and he was the mage in charge of the entire Fereldan Circle. We were never trusted, and never fully alone. What was odd about Cullen’s visit that night, aside from the kiss, was the way he had stood there, unmoving, as if some spell had been cast on him.

The next morning I took my meager personal belongings and headed to my new alcove in the mages quarters. One of the Tranquil would move my footlocker but I had the day off and wanted to get moved so I could spend the day in my own little corner of the tower for the first time in my life. When I reached the mages quarters Cullen was standing outside the door. The hallway was deserted this time of day with all the apprentices in classes and the mages mostly practicing or in the library. We were again alone.

“I…I was hoping to…to…to speak to you Erina.” Cullen stammered 

“Let me put my things down and we can chat if you like Cullen. Here in the hallway?”

Cullen blushed the most wonderful shade of red, “Ye..yes I think that would be…for the best.”

My heart sank a little but I was just glad we would be talking. I’d wanted to talk to Cullen for nearly 5 years now, something more than the quick chat and polite “good day”. When I returned to the hall Cullen was still standing there, a bit of sadness in his eyes. 

“What’s on your mind Cullen?” I finally spoke, breaking him away from yet another glassy eyed trance like the one I’d found him in the night before.

“I just wanted to umm, congratulate you on your Harrowing,” he managed to get out as his hand reached up to rub the back of his neck. I’d seen that motion a thousand times over the years and it still fascinated me.

“Thank you Cullen, I knew I would. There’s only one thing I want and a demon cannot tempt me with it, for it isn’t real if it comes from them.”

“You’ve always been so confident, and smart. I was tasked with, umm well, I was the Templar tasked with striking the blow should you have failed, I am glad I didn’t have to do that.” His warm eyes filled with tears but he didn’t blink, nor did they overflow onto his cheeks.

At that moment my heart broke, not because he would have killed me, but because I knew he had been chosen on purpose. I’d heard the rumors all over the tower. “I heard Cullen’s in love with you” was the nearly constant first sentence from anyone I encountered in the last several months. It was obvious that although I didn’t take this rumor seriously until the previous night Greagoir certainly did. I knew at that moment that had I not succeeded Cullen would have spent his life knowing he’d killed the girl he loved and that angered me, it angered me more than anything ever had in all the years I had been locked up in this Maker forsaken prison. Was it not enough to lock one of my best friends up until he felt he had no choice but to keep running away? Was locking us all in a tower in the middle of Lake Calenhad and spreading the fear of us mages not enough? They had to punish Cullen for having feelings for a mage because Maker knows we aren’t even human or elves to them. We’re animals and now, now they’d gone too far. 

“I..I am glad you didn’t have to do that Cullen” I’d finally said, smiling sadly. “Do you think we could, uhh do you think we could talk sometime? I mean, I promised the Senior Mage in charge of the store room I’d clear out some giant spiders for her, so, I guess, I will need some Templar supervision, if you know, someone wants to know why you’re going. She’s afraid of spiders and won’t be coming in and I know that Greagoir doesn’t trust us so, I thought you could maybe, possibly come by and supervise.” I rambled for a minute.

A tiny smile crept across his face, “I think I’d like that, umm that is I think that would be wise. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be left in that store room with all those magical items without supervision. Is 2 o’clock alright?” He winked.

“Yes, yes that will do fine. I have some things to do before I go. Thank you for agreeing Cullen. I should probably go get my quarters straightened out before we meet up.” I brushed his arm with my hand even though he couldn’t feel it through the Templar plate. We smiled at each other quickly before he walked away his hand on the back of his neck again. I could hear him chuckle quietly to himself as I turned into the mages quarters.


End file.
